my one year old. john.

i can honestly say this day has come to fast. i can't believe i don't have a baby any more. today i have been reliving last year on this day in my mind. from the time of going into the hospital, water breaking at 1, hard labor till 6, epidural, john's heart slowing (me freaking while they give me oxygen), fully dilated at 10. ready to push at 11. pushing til 1:30 with no epidural, 10 minute contractions and no rest in between, doctor saying this might not work and c-section might have to happen, me kinda upset about it but glad to know an end, begging every nurse coming in if they can refill or continue my epidural, flying through the waiting area and the nurse asking if i wanted to see my family and me yelling no get me in surgery. ug!! the blessed moments of hearing john cry for the first time, watching my husband hold our little one for the first time, me holding him for the first time, watching my family meet him for the first time, watching grandpa struggle with who he should be upset with more, mom because of john's bruises on his head or john for making me hurt, watching everyone leave and then an hour later calling for the nurse to bring my son back in cause i just wanted to see him. understanding finally for the first time how much my parents love me.

its now a year later and i know that i love this little boy john more than i thought possible. he will occasionally snuggle and give me a quick kiss when he's not moving to get somewhere else. lights up and squeals when i enter the room after a long day of work, smiles at the stupid faces i make, watches oh so carefully when i make new face or noise, follows me around in the morning while i'm trying to get ready, loves life and every breath he's given. these moments i treasure. i can't believe sometimes how blessed i am to have this little boy. thank you heavenly father.

so to my little boy!! Happy Happy 1st Birthday my son!! i love you so much!! you are forever my little man!! i can't begin to describe how much i love you. know that i pray for you daily and all i want for you in life is to love the Lord with all your heart.