it will get better i know it will!!

I love being a stay at home mom but seriously it is so hard at times. I think I struggle more with where the kids ages are. I want to take John out to do more stuff like the reading program at the library but seriously Ry isn't easy and when he's mad he's mad so I get scared to do those things. I often find myself upset and struggling with how to deal with John. Don't get me wrong he is still this tenderhearted little boy that listens good on most occasions but by the end of the day I can honestly think and can say that he is done with me! I would never want to trade this in but I'm just saying its hard!! The other day I had one of those moments when I needed someone to say its ok to say no and discipline. I called mike bawling. He was very quick to ask if everything was ok. I assured him we are fine but I just needed to hear that I'm a good mom after disciplining John for the 6th time that day! He said yes he needs it keep it up! He then texted me and said "an awful mom is one who doesn't discipline!" this really hit home! its so true if we can't teach our children no and to listen to us then they will never grown into an adult who has self discipline and understands boundaries. at least that puts it in perspective but still doesn't make it any easier. I've been reading a book called What a Difference a Mom Makes. Its been so good and encouraging!!

finding a new church and friends is hard! we are now plugged in at a church in bowman. assembly of god. its a good church and people are friendly but its not like Hayward. I always thought in my head it would be nice to go to a smaller church cause you know everyone and they know you. as a new person I want to say no. they are all nice but I often feel like an outsider. no one really has come up and said hey why don't you come to dinner a night this week or is there a time we could get together. I miss our church and how they are so open and inviting. pray for me I really struggle with having no one to really hang out with here. the other thing that is hard is we are one of the youngest couples there and the rest are a bit older or a lot older than us! Its hard to always being putting yourself out and wondering what they are thinking. I know this is stupid but its also hard with our kids ages. John for the most part sits good in church and our service is an hour and half but like this past week I knew walking in the door it was going to be awful. Ry was jibber jabbering very loudly and John was everywhere and at one point John made it almost to the front of the church! I was freaking! I knew if he did it would have been find but its those little things that I'm wondering what they think of us and are they thinking boy they have no control over there kids?!? please pray that God would just put someone in our/my life to just be a real friend. I miss my friends at home who just take me as I am and don't care if my children are crazy! I miss my family a lot too! its hard not having a place to go! it either our house or our house! there is nowhere to escape! it will get better but still its just hard!!

k good stuff abt my boys. john is growing like a weed and so is Ry. its hard to believe that in a few years john will be in kindergarten. Ry is getting so big. he finally has figured out how to jump in his bouncy thing and goes nuts at times. its hilarious to watch and of course his big brother just eggs him on. Ry just adores John and I'm pretty sure John the same. I still feel like we never really went through a bad stage of John being jealous for which i'm so thankful for. He does so good with Ry and he's so helpful! Ry is now rolling everywhere! This last weekend Mike was amazed at how much he gets around. John is getting used to the idea that Ry might use his toys which is good! No big problems yet! John's often reply after I tell him he needs to share is "oh ok mom should I get him another toy?" love it!! as I type john is telling ry in the bouncer to "jump jump jump to the sky" and of course ry is complying! love it. i am loving this age with john. i love his ideas and thoughts. they are always so interesting! i wish i could record what he says all day. i often will write down some of his things but seriously i need to do more!!

k so another big deal is i now have a front and back deck! so so pleased abt this! this weekend i'm hitting up garage sales for some deck furniture and also want to get some garden plants on the deck that i have in my little dying garden! we also put john's little pool on the deck which is great cause our yard needs a lot of work you could say!! on one side of it i have cactus growing really cactus. I don't think I've every seen cactus in a yard only in a pot! its these little things that drive me nuts! wanting our yard done and everything on the house complete. it will come i have to remind myself.

mike's folks are coming out on Thursday which is nice! they are taking us out to dinner and then they are headed to Crosby where Charlene is from. it will be nice to see them even if its quick. mike's sisters are planning a trip the next weekend which is nice also!! can't wait to hang with them all! then the next time we see them is end of august for a big moenkedick family gathering and then a couple weeks later i think my parents are headed this way which is so exciting!! its been way to long to go without seeing family! well i think i better load some pictures and get this day started with my two little wonderful boys!! thanks for enduring my rants and my not making sense post! i didn't proofread this so i'm hoping its ok!!

at the park

found his feet

one of our many outdoor stops coming back home from medora

having a cup of coffee together since i have no one else too

enjoying the rays

 

well i really better get going things are winding up around here and this house needs to get clean!! miss you all a ton!! love u!