what to say...

i don't really want to communicate with the world just yet but I know some of you are wondering and are far from here to hear any news! we are still waiting. on monday i went into the doctor and my blood pressure was quite high which its kinda been doing weekly but monday was not good. so she asked my opinion on getting things going because of the bad number. i said sure! so around noon both mike and i arrived at the hospital not knowing what to expect but hoping for the best. well it didn't go so hot. my baby/body was not responding to the platocin. around 10pm the doctor recommended us going home and getting a good nights sleep and coming back in the morning. oh at this point i was dilated at 3.

so now this morning we went back in for more platocin but the good thing was my blood pressure it was not nearly as high as yesterdays which is a good sign. the bad part is that baby/body is still not responding to the platocine. so once again i'm at home. the doctor wants me resting and occasionally doing some walking and squatting but nothing major to raise my blood pressure. we are going to give this whole platocin thing another couple of days and hopefully with lower blood pressures i can wait for my body to do the normal thing it should be doing. the doctor is hoping that something will happen on its own in the next week.

in the mean time i'm really really disappointed. monday and today i really thought i could be having this baby but no such blessing. we've been praying for everything to go good for both me and the baby. my prayer deep down has been that i really want this baby to come. as mike and i walked out of the hospital today with tears in my eyes i asked mike "why couldn't God have made things go right today?" oh the question we often ask ourselves. we know christ is in control but we want it in our own way. our own time. how is it we miss that simple thing of God knows best. he knows the hour, minute, and second! he is in control! so my prayer now is for my own thoughts to be God's in control and I'm not. He knows best!! He knows the plan!! So I'll wait!! This song has become very dear to me and my sister in the last few months!!

While I'm Waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord